First, because I love my wife or whatever. Second, because it sounds really exhausting. Third, and perhaps most importantly, in the year 2017, there is literally no way I don’t get caught. Between texts, Google, Facebook, LinkedIn, Snapchat and any other myriad methods of technology accidentally exposing me, it’s just not going to end any other way than some guy making a list out of my misfortune and putting it on someecards.
So please, just study the following images and do the right thing.